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Birthdays & Aging
|
| Item # |
Front of Card |
Inside of Card |
| ZNP1001 |
I can't believe you just turned a year older. |
Looks more like ten.
(Happy Birthday.) |
| ZNP1008 |
Another year older and you still look so young! |
Just kidding.
(Happy Birthday.) |
| ZNP1010 |
I know that you’re younger than me. |
But who could tell? |
| ZNP1037 |
Every one, no matter how healthy, no matter how wealthy, no matter how
important or insignificant, eventually fades and dies. |
Bummer. |
| ZNP1042 |
Happy Birthday!
Wow, another year older. |
I don't care what everyone else says. I don’t think you look feeble. |
| ZNP1043 |
If it makes you feel any better… |
You're not as old as you look. |
| ZNP1044 |
I've heard of people getting “long in the teeth” as they get older. |
But you seem to be getting kind of “long in the teats”. |
| ZNP1045 |
Four score and seven years ago… |
Is about the time you were born, isn't it? |
| ZNP1046 |
You never told me about when you were born. |
Did your parents scream out loud or just cry quietly? |
| ZNP1065 |
I can say in all honesty... |
You don't look a day over 100. |
| ZNP1066 |
As they get older, most people get slower and clumsier, develop gray hair
and wrinkles, and start to forget things. |
I guess you're not as strange as I thought. |
| ZNP1073 |
Why is it that every year I look a year older… |
And every year you look like you did in high school? |
| ZNP1074 |
Congratulations on yet another 29th birthday. |
Whatever. |
| ZNP1102 |
You’ve come to an age where you no longer need to wear a bra. |
Now you can just
tuck 'em in. |
| ZNP1103 |
Men appreciate a little jiggle when you walk. |
But that’s supposed to be when you’re walking toward them. |
| ZNP1104 |
Sometimes, thinking about getting older makes me want to tear my hair out. |
Looks like you’ve been feeling the same way. |
| ZNP1105 |
I’m blinded by my love for you. |
Or maybe it’s just the reflection from the top of your head. |
| ZNP1106 |
There are a lot of benefits to getting older. |
But I can’t think of a single one. |
| ZNP1107 |
As people age, they become wiser and more mature. |
You must be a lot younger than you look. |
| ZNP1108 |
I admire people who have become old and wise like you. |
But I would rather be young and stupid like me. |
| ZNP1109 |
If you have a little trouble blowing out your birthday candles this year… |
…turn around and bend over. That should take care of it. |
| ZNP1110 |
As you get older, your eyes start to play tricks on you. |
[Overlapping text] |
| ZNP1111 |
Sorry I missed your birthday. It’s not that I wasn’t thinking about you… |
It’s just that I didn’t care. |
| ZNP1112 |
I thought about you on your birthday. |
Then, after a few milliseconds, you completely slipped my mind. |
| ZNP1127 |
If you find yourself looking in the mirror and thinking you just don’t look as young and attractive as you used to… |
…at least you know your eyesight is still pretty good. |
| ZNP1128 |
You know you’re getting old if you want to clean the lint out of your belly button… |
…but your breasts are in the way. |
| ZNP1129 |
You’re officially old if you can soak in the bathtub for an hour… |
…and come out with LESS wrinkles. |
| ZNP1131 |
Remember when you used to buy underwear described by words like “lace”,
“string” and “silk”? |
Now the best you can hope for are the words "super absorbent". |
| ZNP1140 |
You remind me of those ads for age-defying cream. |
You know, the "before" pictures? |
| ZNP1148 |
You're still as beautiful as the day you were born. |
Of course at the time you were wrinkly, whiny, virtually bald, and covered with goo. |
| ZNP1149 |
I was thinking that maybe this year, instead of traditional birthday gifts,… |
…we could all just pitch in with contributions toward your memorial marker. |
| ZNP1150 |
The older you get, the more beautiful you become. |
That never really has sounded very believable, has it? |
| ZNP1151 |
When I was younger and my parents were about the age you are now… |
…boy, did they seem old. |
| ZNP1152 |
So many people, when they get to be your age,… |
…are dead. |
| ZNP1153 |
The last time I was with someone who looked as good as you… |
…I was helping the old fart move from “assisted living” to “skilled nursing”. |
| ZNP1162 |
Like fine wines, some people get better with age. |
Unfortunately, you’re aging more like a warm wedge of Limburger. |
| ZNP1163 |
At your age, you could wear a push-up bra… |
…and the contents would still hover somewhere near your waist. |
| ZNP1164 |
You look as trim and fit as you did ten years ago. |
Just brushing up on my little white lies. |
| ZNP1165 |
I've heard that a man's genitalia begins to shrink in his twilight years. |
I didn't realize you were that old. |
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Relationships, Love & Sex
|
| Item # |
Front of Card |
Inside of Card |
| ZNP1007 |
My mother always told me I'd find the perfect person to spend the rest of my life with. |
I guess you’ll do. |
| ZNP1011 |
Now seems like the right time to tell you how perfect you are. |
Except for several annoying little traits that I have written down, but now doesn't seem like the right time to tell you about those. |
| ZNP1015 |
Every time I think of you… |
My crotch twitches. |
| ZNP1016 |
Every time you sit on your favorite chair… |
I wish it were me. |
| ZNP1022 |
Don't question my compassion for you. If you were on a feeding tube… |
I’d gladly withhold fluids. |
| ZNP1023 |
We've been together so long… |
I can't even remember why. |
| ZNP1024 |
I love you. |
Especially when you’re naked. |
| ZNP1025 |
There's only one thing better than you with almost nothing on… |
You with absolutely nothing on. |
| ZNP1026 |
If you loved me like I love you… |
You wouldn't be able to keep your hands off me. |
| ZNP1027 |
There are so many things I'd like to do with you. |
And I'm pretty sure a few of them are illegal. |
| ZNP1028 |
Whenever I get up on the wrong side of the bed… |
I want it to be because you were on the other side. |
| ZNP1029 |
I like being me. |
But I would also like being your lingerie. |
| ZNP1030 |
The best thing about you… |
Is that you like me. |
| ZNP1031 |
I love you. |
For no apparent reason. |
| ZNP1032 |
In case you hadn't noticed… |
I've got the hots for you. |
| ZNP1033 |
I would love to go with you to a romantic dinner for two, the theater, and maybe a little dancing before taking you home and hopping into bed. |
Or we could just skip all that preliminary crap. |
| ZNP1034 |
I don't know what you see in me. |
But I'm glad that you see it. |
| ZNP1035 |
If your parents hadn't hated me so much, we probably wouldn't have stayed together. |
Let's remember to thank them. |
| ZNP1036 |
I've always loved big, strong men with riveting eyes and sculpted features. |
But I like you, too. |
| ZNP1047 |
If we were rich, we would probably sleep in separate beds. |
Fortunately, our net worth is negative. |
| ZNP1048 |
I've been worrying lately about your health. |
Maybe we should switch to the padded handcuffs. |
| ZNP1050 |
You're the most wonderful thing that's ever happened to me… the most loving, adorable, caring person I've ever known… the one I truly cherish… |
You're not really falling for this crap, are you? |
| ZNP1052 |
I am sorry, but I find it necessary to terminate our relationship for the following reason(s)… |
ª You're stupid
ª You're mean
ª I found someone better
ª Spending time with you has made me realize how much I like being alone
ª I just figured out that I don't like you
ª I had planned on a monogamous relationship
ª You're not my type
ª You're not good enough for me
ª I'm too good for you |
| ZNP1057 |
Whenever I'm near you… |
I wanna lock lips. |
| ZNP1058 |
I know I haven't been very good lately. |
Please spank me. |
| ZNP1059 |
If you weren't the mother of my children… |
I'd want you to be the mother of my children. |
| ZNP1060 |
Whenever I'm near you, I get weak in the knees. |
Maybe you should reconsider your choice of personal hygiene products. |
| ZNP1061 |
You have proven yourself to be a wonderful mother. |
I guess I was right to knock you up. |
| ZNP1062 |
I wouldn't hesitate to give you first place in the contest for Best Mother. |
If it weren't for Bambi’s mom. |
| ZNP1069 |
You know how Eskimos supposedly kiss by rubbing noses? |
Every time I think of your nose, mine tingles. |
| ZNP1088 |
You’re the perfect Dad. |
Here’s where you say, “It’s easy when you have the perfect child. Do you need anything, like a new car?” |
| ZNP1089 |
Being the mother of your children has made me so happy. |
But don’t even think of doing that to me again! |
| ZNP1090 |
You’re one of the best dads in the world. |
Too bad you’re not mine. |
| ZNP1091 |
If I were your child… |
…I’d be proud to call you my father. |
| ZNP1092 |
You’re the best dad I could have asked for. |
If I had asked for another one, you probably would have smacked me. |
| ZNP1093 |
I could watch you sleep for hours on end. |
But I would rather sleep for hours on end while you work. |
| ZNP1095 |
You’re my best friend. |
Except when you’re really pissing me off. |
| ZNP1096 |
I think I’d have to say that you’re my favorite person to hang around with. |
If you were. |
| ZNP1099 |
I think we get along so well because we both have similar interests. |
Me. |
| ZNP1114 |
I love gazing at you, touching you, kissing you, fondling you… |
It’s too bad you’re both usually tucked away inside a bra. |
| ZNP1116 |
You’re perfect. |
Just like me. |
| ZNP1120 |
I love you like nobody’s business. |
And what I’d love to do with you is nobody’s business, either. |
| ZNP1121 |
There's something I've been wanting to say, but it never seems like it's going to come out the right way… |
You're my favorite fuck buddy. |
| ZNP1123 |
Mom, I love you, and I would love to take you on an all-day shopping adventure. |
Bring your credit cards. Don't worry, I'll pay for lunch. |
| ZNP1124 |
Mom, it's easy to see where my good looks come from. |
And Dad still looks pretty good, doesn't he? |
| ZNP1125 |
Dad, I think I've turned out pretty well due to your influence. |
Thanks for being Mom's sperm donor. |
| ZNP1126 |
I love you so much it hurts. |
I think it might have something to do with that knife twisting back and forth between my shoulder blades. |
| ZNP1130 |
You are the most wonderful mother. |
No, I haven’t been drinking. |
| ZNP1142 |
Roses are red,
Violets are blue… |
I get really horny
When I'm around you. |
| ZNP1143 |
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways… |
Give me a minute, I'm thinking… |
| ZNP1145 |
When I close my eyes, concentrate, and visualize perfection… |
I see you. |
| ZNP1155 |
I often lie in bed at night dreaming of celestial beings and heavenly bodies. |
But not all my dreams are about you. |
| ZNP1158 |
You're the hottest thing in pants. |
You're even hotter with no pants. |
| ZNP1159 |
If I could choose between a rich, sexy, witty, popular movie star and you, just the way you are… |
…of course I'd take the movie star. |
| ZNP1166 |
You're pretty good looking when I'm sober, and after I've had a few drinks… |
…you even make sense. |
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|
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Special Occasion
|
| Item # |
Front of Card |
Inside of Card |
| ZNP1003 |
I can’t believe you’re pregnant! |
What were you thinking? |
| ZNP1005 |
When I heard you were getting married, I was so happy for you. |
Then I remembered who you're marrying. |
| ZNP1006 |
I was so happy to hear about your fantastic news. |
Then I remembered I don’t like you. |
| ZNP1013 |
Congratulations on your promotion. |
I didn’t even know you actually worked. |
| ZNP1040 |
Congratulations on your new baby! |
Let's hope like hell it inherits the best traits from each of you. |
| ZNP1075 |
Congratulations on your graduation.
It’s the end of an era of studying, partying, testing, and summer vacations,
and the beginning of an era of work, responsibility, stress, and long-term
financial planning that will last until you die. |
Boy, are you screwed. |
| ZNP1086 |
Happy Retirement!
For a while, I was wondering how you’d handle having all that time on your
hands with nothing productive to do. |
Then I realized that’s no different from what you’ve been doing for years. |
| ZNP1087 |
Congratulations on your new job! |
Did you use a stand-in for your interview, or is your new employer just that stupid? |
| ZNP1100 |
I’m sorry you’re leaving. |
But that’s just me. I don’t think anyone else is. |
| ZNP1122 |
So you’re graduating… |
They just don't flunk anyone any more, do they? |
| ZNP1156 |
It’s great to hear you got a new job. |
They must not have checked your references. |
|
|
|
Miscellaneous
|
| Item # |
Front of Card |
Inside of Card |
| ZNP1002 |
It seems like forever since I've heard from you. |
Thanks. |
| ZNP1004 |
I've always thought you were one of the most wonderful people in the world. |
It seems I've been wrong about so many things. |
| ZNP1009 |
When I think of how long it's been since we've seen each other… |
I’m so thankful. |
| ZNP1012 |
Morning sickness.
Hormonal rollercoasters.
Childbirth.
3AM feedings.
Carpool.
Playgroups.
Teenage angst.
College tuition.
Motherhood is hell. |
You’re a saint. |
| ZNP1014 |
If we weren’t related… |
You’d be my best friend anyway. |
| ZNP1017 |
You’re my favorite person. |
If you don’t count me. |
| ZNP1018 |
If I had a nickel for every time we've talked to each other in the last year… |
I’d be lucky to have 5¢.
Miss you. |
| ZNP1019 |
You were right. I was wrong. You were right. I was wrong. You were right. I was wrong. |
I’m sorry. |
| ZNP1020 |
I hear your ex got hurt in a freak accident. |
Tee-hee. |
| ZNP1021 |
Every time I look at you… |
I feel so much better about myself. |
| ZNP1038 |
…And God made man in His own image. And God said,… |
“Hold on, that can't be right!” |
| ZNP1039 |
And on the seventh day He rested. And God said,… |
“I wonder how much trouble these two little shits can get into?” |
| ZNP1041 |
Have fun visiting your relatives. |
Try to come back alive. |
| ZNP1049 |
Our creator gave us free will. |
Maybe that was a mistake. |
| ZNP1051 |
Whenever you speak, I listen and wonder… |
Does it hurt you to talk as much as it hurts me to listen? |
| ZNP1053 |
You have always been more popular than me, but I've learned to accept it and it doesn't bother me so much any more. |
Bitch. |
| ZNP1054 |
The best things in life are free. |
Of course, the things you actually need cost money. |
| ZNP1055 |
I want to pay you back for all the expenses you have incurred on my behalf throughout my life. |
Unfortunately, I can't afford to. |
| ZNP1056 |
Life is just a bowl of cherries. |
And I'm drowning in all that maraschino muck at the bottom. |
| ZNP1063 |
As a mother, you have experienced the discomfort of pregnancy, the pain of childbirth, and zillions of minor trials and tribulations since then. |
Better you than me. |
| ZNP1064 |
Divorce is no laughing matter. |
But you're right, that loser's a joke. |
| ZNP1067 |
I like modern art. |
I just don't like looking at most of it. |
| ZNP1068 |
You're the kind of friend that everyone should have. |
The kind that gives really good gifts. |
| ZNP1070 |
I hear you've acquired a new "significant other". |
I hope it's not a hopeless fixer-upper like the last one. |
| ZNP1071 |
Today is the first day of the rest of your life. |
Don't fuck it up. |
| ZNP1072 |
I made a list of my five best friends, and you didn't make the cut. |
You were beat out by Margarita, Jack Daniels, Jim Beam, Tom Collins, and Bloody Mary. |
| ZNP1076 |
Dogs are man's best friend. |
But chicks are pretty fun, too. |
| ZNP1077 |
I love dogs. |
Maybe that's why I like you so much. |
| ZNP1078 |
Dogs are so cool. |
There's just no other pet that will clean up its own puke, lick its own genitals, and eat anything else's shit. |
| ZNP1079 |
Cats are almost perfect as pets. |
It’s just that one weird thing where they seem to think humans want to lick their butts for them. |
| ZNP1080 |
A lot of people like cats because they're so independent. |
Others like them because they're easy to dispose of. |
| ZNP1081 |
I don't understand all the fuss over nuclear weapons. |
After all, during the nuclear winter it probably won't get so darned hot during the summer. |
| ZNP1082 |
Global warming doesn't exist. |
It's merely a temporary multi-continental climatic shift, and will correct itself naturally during the first 100,000 or so years after all of us stupid humans die. |
| ZNP1083 |
All the weird stuff going on in the world right now really boggles the mind. |
But that's probably not a new sensation for you, is it? |
| ZNP1084 |
I think anyone should be allowed to smoke in public if they want to. |
And, by the same token, I think that I should be allowed to:
• fart in small, crowded spaces.
• sneeze without covering my mouth.
• spit on the sidewalk.
• pick my nose and wipe the snot on strangers.
• force feed small doses of carcinogenic substances to young children. |
| ZNP1085 |
Life in the suburbs is pleasant. |
It's so comforting to feel that you're exactly the same as everybody else. |
| ZNP1094 |
I say kill off anyone who has a different religion, culture, skin tone, or belief system. |
I’m sure I’ll be happy when I’m the only one left. |
| ZNP1097 |
You’re my favorite teacher. |
Can I have an A? |
| ZNP1098 |
I’m so bummed to hear you’re moving away. |
Can I have your clothes? |
| ZNP1101 |
Here’s to a speedy recovery. |
With any luck, you’ll turn out better than you started. |
| ZNP1113 |
Get well. |
Physically, at least. I don’t think anyone really expects much from you mentally. |
| ZNP1115 |
I've thought a lot about our differences, and I really think we should get things cleared up.
Let’s pretend for a moment that I'm a delicious, piping hot pastry, and you're hungry. |
Bite me. |
| ZNP1117 |
Cynicism is a healthy attitude. |
It allows you to be unfazed by the regular shitstorm of life. |
| ZNP1118 |
I was driving down the highway the other day and got stuck for a few minutes
behind this big truck with a sign that said "WIDE LOAD". |
Then, for some reason, I thought of you. |
| ZNP1119 |
I really like you. |
Do you have any idea how cool that makes you? |
| ZNP1141 |
If I had your beauty and intelligence… |
I'd be the ugliest kid in third grade. |
| ZNP1144 |
One of the things I really appreciate about you… |
…is the fact that you're so far away. |
| ZNP1146 |
I really hope you like your gift. |
Even though you don't deserve it. |
| ZNP1147 |
Congratulations. |
I don't know why, but surely you've done something noteworthy by now. |
| ZNP1154 |
Has anyone ever told you that you’re wonderful to have around? |
Didn’t think so. |
| ZNP1157 |
You could be a supermodel. |
Except you might not be quite tall enough or skinny enough, and you
don't really have that slinky walk or that sultry look, and your eyes
aren't quite big enough, and your legs aren't quite long enough, and
your lips aren't quite pouty enough…. |
| ZNP1160 |
Time spent with you is always an experience to remember. |
Like having my teeth drilled without novocaine. |
| ZNP1161 |
When I picture you naked… |
…it cracks me up. |
|
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Cancer Sucks!
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|
For each Cancer Sucks! card sold, Zippernut Press will donate 10 cents to the
Susan Henke Miller Breast Cancer Research Fund at
KU Medical Center's Cancer Research Institute.
|
Each Cancer Sucks! card includes a Cancer Sucks! logo on the back.
|
| Item # |
Front of Card |
Inside of Card |
| ZNP1132 |
You’ve always been good looking. |
But since you started treatments, you’re radiating more than just beauty. |
| ZNP1133 |
You really have a nice, healthy glow. |
It must be the high-quality radioactive isotopes. |
| ZNP1134 |
I guess your chemo treatments are pretty expensive. |
You know, lots of people pay good money to actually GROW hair. |
| ZNP1135 |
I’ve heard people say that cancer is really the shits. |
But I had no idea they meant it literally. |
| ZNP1136 |
The stress of cancer is enough to make your hair fall out. |
And the chemo helps things right along. |
| ZNP1137 |
A lot of women have their breasts enlarged, but it's not unheard of to run across someone who wants them smaller. |
Even so, don't you think you're taking things to an extreme? |
| ZNP1138 |
Maybe you’re like everyone else and like things up-sized, oversized, king-sized, and super-sized. |
But next time, try to avoid anything that’s metastasized. |
| ZNP1139 |
When I heard you had a tumor, I thought it explained a lot. |
Then I found out it wasn’t in your brain, so I’m still stumped. |
| ZNP1167 |
Someone told me you have "the c-word". |
You know, in our progressive and open society, you shouldn't be
embarrassed to just come out and say, "I've got crabs." |
| ZNP1168 |
There are so many weight loss options. |
Cancer is definitely effective. |
| ZNP1169 |
A lot of people are talking about your prostate cancer. |
Wow, some guys will do almost anything to focus attention on Mr. Willy. |
| ZNP1170 |
Cancer. |
It just fucking sucks. |
| ZNP1171 |
You know the best thing about a mastectomy? |
Less to squeeze at your next mammogram. |
| ZNP1172 |
With focus and determination, you can recover from surgery, struggle
through chemo, survive radiation, and ultimately live through cancer. |
But the bills are probably gonna kill you anyway. |
|
|
|
Valentine's Day
|
| Item # |
Front of Card |
Inside of Card |
| ZNPV001 |
You're my valentine. |
I can tell because in my mind I always see you with a heart on. |
| ZNPV002 |
Every time you leave… |
it's like an arrow through my heart. |
| ZNPV003 |
Be mine. |
Or I'll cry like a baby. |
| ZNPV004 |
Let’s forego gross consumerism this year by forgetting about the bouquet of
flowers, the box of candy, and the expensive dinner. |
What do you say we just skip to where you tell me how wonderful I am, I
smother you with kisses, and we hop in the sack? |
| ZNPV005 |
Valentine, if you want my heart… |
I hope you have a good prescription drug plan. |
| ZNPV006 |
I want to go ahead tell you that you're my favorite Valentine, because I
think it will really make you happy. |
But I won't, because that would be lying. |
| ZNPV007 |
When I'm near you, I have this intense prickly sensation in my heart, like
Cupid is filling it with little love arrows. |
But it's probably just heartburn or maybe a minor heart condition. |
| ZNPV008 |
It would really make my day if you asked me to be your Valentine. |
Even though we would both know you're just humoring me. |
|
|
|
Halloween
|
| Item # |
Front of Card |
Inside of Card |
| ZNPH001 |
If you're invited to a scary costume party this Halloween… |
Just pretend it's a “Come As You Are” party.
The effect will be the same. |
| ZNPH002 |
The only difference between a witch and a bitch is the pointy hat. |
And your disguise is perfect either way. |
| ZNPH003 |
I was going to wear an ogre costume this year. |
But I was afraid our friends would think I was dressed up as you. |
| ZNPH004 |
All this talk about ghosts and goblins scares me. |
We’d better sleep together so you can keep me safe. |
| ZNPH005 |
Trick or treat? |
Coming from you, aren’t they the same thing? |
| ZNPH006 |
Whatever costume you choose for Halloween… |
I want you to know I’ve always liked your birthday suit the best. |
| ZNPH007 |
If the Great Pumpkin finally arrives this year… |
…I’m really going to therapy. |
| ZNPH008 |
All the little kids trick-or-treating in their Halloween costumes are always so cute. |
And all the teenagers trick-or-treating without costumes should be taken aside and beaten. |
|
|
|
Christmas
|
| Item # |
Front of Card |
Inside of Card |
| ZNPX001 |
You know what a mess little birds make when they shit in mid air? |
Just think what Santa's reindeer must do. |
| ZNPX002 |
“All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth.” |
You, on the other hand, might want to go ahead and ask for a whole new face. |
| ZNPX003 |
Oh, the weather outside is frightful… |
And so is the idea of a walking, talking, pipe-smoking snowman named Frosty. |
| ZNPX004 |
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas. |
A white-sandy-beach Christmas, that is. |
| ZNPX005 |
Christmas is the season of giving. |
I wonder what I’m gonna get. |
| ZNPX006 |
If you wake up in the wee hours of Christmas morning to the sound of
sleighbells, and there's a jolly, plump man in a Santa suit in your house… |
Open the door, run like hell, and don't look back. |
| ZNPX007 |
You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen? Comet and Cupid and Donder and Blitzen? |
Me neither. |
| ZNPX008 |
Imagine a land where creatures that are shorter than you and look quite a
bit different work all year long making toys for Santa Claus to give to
children on Christmas, for little reward other than the know- ledge that
these toys will be a joy to kids they don't even know. It's usually called
Santa's Workshop. |
But sometimes it's called China's Sweatshop. |
| ZNPX009 |
As the holiday season approaches… |
Don’t hesitate to call if you’ve forgotten my size. |
| ZNPX010 |
The act of giving is such a rewarding experience. |
Especially if you’re on the receiving end. |
| ZNPX011 |
’Tis better to give than to receive. |
I’m willing to help you better yourself. |
| ZNPX012 |
May the season fill your home with joy. |
And lots of really good gifts. |
| ZNPX013 |
On Christmas Eve, expect Santa Claus to deliver lots of goodies to your home. |
But only if his lines of good-girl-and-boy communication have been down all year. |
| ZNPX014 |
We’re staying home for the holidays. If you’re planning something fun like skiing… |
Break a leg. |
|
|
|
New Year's
|
| Item # |
Front of Card |
Inside of Card |
| ZNPY001 |
To avoid stress, why not skip the new year's resolutions this year? |
There's not a chance in hell you can fix all your problems anyway. |
| ZNPY002 |
Happy New Year! |
Let's hope it doesn't suck as much as the last one. |
| ZNPY003 |
Why is it that the gurgling New Year's baby is always a decrepit old man by the end of the year? |
Even you don't age that fast! |
| ZNPY004 |
The New Year's celebration is just one more way to mark the time as we all slowly deteriorate through the years. |
Crappy New Year. |
| ZNPY005 |
Happy New Year!
Stay up late, drink champagne, watch the fireworks, and party as you usher in the new year. |
Personally, I'll be lucky to keep my eyes open 'til you get started. |
